Improve Your Sub-Par Uber Rating

The good news: there’s a way to check you’re Uber rating

The bad news: you’re probably not that 5 star Rock N Roll passenger you thought you were.

 

 

Enlighten me

Simply open up the app, click the top left button, and Ta’da! You’ll see the score right under your name.

How’d you score? Good but not perfect?

We’re not saying your driver Mohammed or Helena hates you, but you might be displaying certain dickish penchants which have you free-falling down the Uber league table.

Less than 4.5 and you’re no Pope Francis, Less than 4 and you’ll definitely find it harder to catch a ride.

A score of less than 3? For Shame.

After centuries of research, we’ve identified 5 key habits which might help or hurt your score.  

 

Help - Discuss the Universe

 

Uber drivers get bored. A recent study found, that driving for more than two hours a day lowers your intelligence. How can you help our road heroes combat this cognitive decline? Give them some entertainment.

Did the lizard moon landing really happen? How do we get peace in the Middle East? Who do we thank for inventing Women’s leggings?

A stimulating conversation will stimulate your score.   


  • Hurt - Forgetting Frienship

    Enjoy taking the piss out of other ethnicities? Who doesn’t.

    But if your tone sounds like you’re deeply afraid of the coming immigrant invasion, then you might not get much luck with your Bangladeshi driver, Tauseef.    

     


     

    Help - Pick up your pace friend

    Brutal German efficiency is thought of positively only within the confines of economic growth, or Uber rides. It helps to be on time. The opportunity cost of waiting for your sorry arse = is another pick up.

     

     

    Hurt - Be a grub

    Smoke if you like, but all the Mentos in the world isn’t going to remove the smell after inhaling seconds before your pick up.

    Make sure you save the Pad Thai for home too.

    In our research we were also surprised with the fact that the forceful discharge of stomach contents, was directly linked to devastatingly poor ratings. Keep in mind.

     


     

    Hurt - Chill Bill

    Missing a street, or taking the scenic route doesn’t mean you are a victim of the latest global Ponzi scheme. Driver’s have just as much of an incentive to earn a strong rating as you do so complaining will get you nowhere.  

     

    Why me? Waaa

     

    Help - Be a Boss

    Say your thank you’s [Thanks Mum].

    Give them a smile. 

    Have a laugh – be a legend.

    And looking good never hurt either….

     

    Your Uber Has Arrived

     


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