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MR. KOYA's Guide To Voting in Australia

  • 1 min read

Welcome to the State of the Earth — A source for cosmonauts, subterranean mole people, and everyone in between. Each *indeterminate amount of time* the State of the Earth Address will present perspectives on the issues of the day, news from around the globe, and tips on how to be less of a goose (just in case anyone needs those).

 

MR. KOYA’s
GUIDE TO VOTING IN AUSTRALIA

Every 3 years, the Australian population gets together to choose their leaders from an assortment of megalomaniacal psychos, self-proclaimed mavericks, End-Times nutjobs, and the occasional well-meaning dork with elbow pads on their corduroy jacket.

There’s a lot to get distracted by during an election campaign, so MR. KOYA has distilled the basics down for you:

 
  1. Don’t f*** it up.
  2. Read up on the political parties beforehand. You’ll be surprised to learn that often a party named something like, “Rose Petal Baths For All” actually has a platform of shooting puppies out of cannons every full moon.
  3. If a candidate’s platform aligns with that of Hoggish Greedly from Captain Planet, best direct your preferences elsewhere.
  4. Vote early. This one isn’t even a joke – there’s no queueing. Highly recommended.
  5. Did we say “Don’t f*** it up” already?

 

IN THE WILD


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