The 5 Guys You Find In Sydney
In my journeys in and around Sydney, I feel it's important to take stock of some of the unique personalities that inhabit Australia's 7th best city.
The Surry Hills Band Guy
The pubs and studios in Surry Hills have dried up over the last few years, but the Surry Hills Band Guy pines for the glory days. With testicles asphyxiating in his tight-fitting women’s jeans, he lopes down Crown St, his skin pallid, his cigarettes dirt-cheap. He plays in an indie-psych pop band, but in his heart he craves the penetration of some deep melodic euro house.
The Elizabeth Bay Dog Owner Who Speaks Conversationally To Their Dog
“What did I JUST say Cameron? I can’t believe you’d eat that off the street after I explicitly told you not to. You’re unbelievable sometimes Cameron. Honestly”.
The CBD TGIF Powder Keg
The drudgery of the 9 to 5 takes its toll on many people, and whilst some of us like to sit back and relax with friends or family over a couple of beers on a Friday night, others like to pour Jaegermeister directly into their eyeballs, stumble down George Street, and get more obnoxiously fucked up than a barrel full of weasels in a Spam factory.
The Common Hipster (Inner West Edition)
Over the last few years the word hipster has lost all meaning, and yet somehow everybody knows exactly to whom it refers. The Common Hipster is often confused for the Surry Hills Band Guy, though while they might share a love of obscure Norwegian rockabilly, they differ in the number of artisans it takes to whittle the Hipster’s shaving implements, and how sustainably sourced their pickles are required to be.
An otherwise affable pill-popping leather-skinned scallywag, with a very short fuse when it comes to the topic of whether music made in Manchester between 1989 and 1996 was, and remains, the pinnacle of all human endeavours. Just agree with him, it’s easier.